


but you're still on my lonely mind

by Anonymous



Category: Papillon (2018)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Homophobic Language, M/M, POV Third Person Limited, Sad, Solitary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Papi always missed Dega during his time in Solitary, but some nights were worst than others.





	but you're still on my lonely mind

**Author's Note:**

> The title is lyrics from the song, Here Without You by 3 Doors Down. This may be a bit rocky, considering I haven't actually written in awhile. Some calculations may be off, too. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Enjoy!

Papi stared up at the star filled sky. He sighed; tonight seemed darker and colder than usual. The breeze bit his arms and left him shivering. He curled up in the corner of his concrete mattress, hoping to get warm.

His eyes soon dropped to the ground. _Louis... Is he safe now? Is he in danger? What have they done to him?_ He had trouble keeping his thoughts focused due to the lack of food, water and sleep. The only thing keeping him going at this point was the fact that he would eventually see Dega again. Dega, the weird, little wimp that everyone seemed to want their hands on. The man that he had claimed as his own long ago.

Papi sighed and stretched his legs out, shivering slightly when the cold air hit his chest for the first time in awhile. He didn't think it would get this cold in Columbia. He thought it was warm and humid as hell year-round. He then turned around, grabbed his piece of charcoal he had found in the corner of his cell, and made a mark on the wall, next to several others. _100 days since the last time that I saw your pretty face..._

 _I wonder if Dega is also cold and shivering right now. Like the few nights he was as sick as a dog._ Papi smiled at the pleasant and unpleasant memory. There had been a few nights he could remember vividly. Dega had caught a cold. He laid beside Papi, shivering and coughing, all night. Papi felt his heart ache for Dega, which was strange for him. He never thought he would pitty a man before. He knew Dega would be dead by sunrise. So, he wrapped his arms around Dega that night, and let him curl up against his chest for warmth. He whispered a gruff, _"Only for tonight..."_ Little did they know, it would happen for many other nights. Even when Dega wasn't knocking on death's door.

Papi remembered getting hell for it the next day. Fellow in-mates had seen him and Dega cuddling. Dega tried to explain countless times that it was for warmth, but no one listened. People soon changed the story and said they were fucking. They were called numerous names and slurs, with Dega often receiving the worse ones. Things like 'Princess', 'Papi's Little Bitch', 'Fairy', 'Pretty Boy'... 

However, Papi didn't let many people mess with Dega. He usually let them get just a few inches from Dega before he knocked their lights out.

Papi felt his heart begin aching again. Tears were in his eyes. He only had memories now. He clenched his teeth, growing frustrated with himself. _Why in the hell am I so hurt over a man? I should be happy he's gone. He's no longer a lost puppy at my side. I don't have to risk my life to protect anyone anymore._

Papi closed his eyes and unclenched his teeth. _Damn, I've turned soft._ He laid down on his "bed". He laid on his side, looking down at the floor. He still had tears in his eyes. He huffed, _Go away. Stay the fuck away. I don't cry over no man. Except..._ He felt a tear escape as a picture of Dega flashed in his mind. _Dega..._

He groaned and rolled over onto his back. “Why do I have to miss him so much?” he whispered under his breath. “He almost got me killed...” The tears just kept coming; they wouldn't stop. Papi gave in; he let himself cry for the first time in forever. He sat up once again and brought his knees to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his legs. He hid his face in his knees, so the night guards couldn't see it. _What would Dega think of me now? What would the guards think of me? I'd get hell for this._

He let out a small sob and wrapped his arms around his legs even tighter. _Contain it. Contain it. Contain it._ He hastily wiped tears away. _Dammit._

_Why are you crying?_

_Why are you crying?_

_Why are you crying?_

“I'm weak...” Papi whispered. And I miss Louis so much, so go-damn much, it hurts. “I love him.” Papi wiped even more tears away. “I love him.” He couldn't believe he had finally admitted it. _I love him. I know it could send me straight to Hell, but I love him._

Papi uncovered his face and sat up straight. He kept his hand over his mouth so pained noises couldn't escape. _Loneliness must do this to you. Why can't I control my loneliness?_ He sniffled and looked around his cell. It was dark and unwelcoming. He hated looking at the same four walls every single day. 

He knew he had to focus on something else if he wanted the God forsaken crying to stop. _I wonder what Dega is doing now._ Papi looked up at the star filled sky once again. His tears finally slowed down. Even if he was thinking of Dega again. 

_Dega... Probably on Devil's Island, trying to hide from others. Or it isn't as bad as the guards let on._ Papi smiled at the thought of Dega living a peaceful, pain-free life. He wiped his eyes once more and looked down at the cell floor.

_Just 2,090 more days. 2,090 more days._


End file.
